Organized Chaos - Volume 8
Using Logic to Combat Illogical Thoughts
by Jared Kant
One of the biggest problems with OCD is that like anything that's bad for you, it's extremely habit forming. To deal with that habit, many of us undergo cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which has the goal of uprooting the obsessions that cause this behavior, ultimately decreasing the anxiety caused by resisting the OCD. The problem with using CBT all the time, however, is that it relies on the principle that you are able to instantly distinguish an irrational thought from a rational thought.
For example, people who are afraid of the germs on their sink might be concerned that if they don't wash their hands, they might contract some horrible disease, and worse, spread it on to infect others. From a therapeutic standpoint, they no doubt recognize that because this thought causes so much anxiety, it's probably their OCD, but they might not be certain. My problem, and I'm sure many of you face similar challenges, is that I often make the tiny mistake of giving the OCD some credibility. The second you let that happen, that's when OCD gets you. It's ironic that we accidentally fuel our OCD by listening to it at all.
This doesn't change the fact that we are prone to these nasty habits where we resist what we know actually makes sense, and we cause ourselves extra anguish. Several times I've been able to get my way out of this sort of pitfall trap with a logical method. It doesn't work all the time, and it's not something that you probably haven't already attempted on your own, but perhaps my experience and success can give you a hand when you need it.
Often when I write, I get the nasty nagging thought that I have heard the sentence that I'm writing out somewhere else, which is a horrible no-no in the field of academia, especially for a professional writer like myself. When this happens, if I'm writing it on the computer, I might check my browser cache and make sure that I haven't recently been looking on any websites that could actually have been the origin of these words, or I might enter them into a search engine to see if they show up in some article that's been published somewhere else.
Now from an outsider's perspective, this is actually a really good and responsible method of fact checking, the process of making sure that what you've written is not only unique, but accurate to the best of your knowledge. To us insiders, the ones with OCD, we can sort of see how this habit is almost like a gateway habit.
Once I start to fact check, I have just given a little bit more credibility to what I fear. The sheer action of opening up my web browser and searching for a string of words is actually seeking reassurance from myself. This, ironically, since it doesn't technically constitute direct contact with another individual, is still enabling behavior. Instead of relying on direct communication, such as asking a friend or family member whether or not your thoughts and fears are irrational, using a medium such as a search engine provides a gateway to ask questions or seek information that others have put out there for you to find. In a remote and slightly confusing way, this is a nasty habit, and I've been meaning to kick it.
The question then is what would I do that was logic-based, that could prove to me that my OCD was responsible for the anxiety and not actually the thing that I'm afraid of, which for all intents and purposes, is all in my head? The answer is different for everyone, but a few ground examples can help you get started.
As I've mentioned a fear of plagiarism, I'll start with that one first. I was probably a very anal retentive college student when it came to originality. I wouldn't even copy and paste quotes from an electronic source. I would indent the margins, put the quote marks on the page, and then transcribe word for word exactly what the quote said. Even to the point of preserving spelling mistakes.
I love writing. It sets me free, and it's what keeps me from wearing an “I love me jacket” as someone once called it. The problem is I have such a vested interest in it that my OCD seems to take a hold of that interest and runs with it. OCD can deny you of simple pleasures and that in and of itself is criminal.
The logical way out of this was explained to me by Dr. William Minnichiello, a cognitive behavioral therapist out of Natick, Massachusetts. He told me that the anxiety was caused not because of any validity to the thought, but exactly because I was so opposed to the idea of doing that which I was afraid of.
At the time, we were discussing harming obsessions, particularly those related to harming other people. Dr. Minnichello pointed out that people with OCD don't get anxious because of something they're afraid they might do if they are indeed the kind of person that would actually do it. A child molester is not going to be too concerned with whether or not he or she molests a child, nor is a killer going to be particularly afraid of possibly having killed someone because this is the sort of violence they actually do. Someone such as myself, who abhors the concept of violence sees these actions as terrifying, and to a certain extent, unclean. The desire is to scrub the thoughts out of the brain until it's squeaky clean, as if it was a sin to even think of such horrible deeds.
This concept is called diametric opposition, which is a fancy way of saying that you are most opposed to, or against, that which is in question. People who are afraid that they might push someone into an oncoming train are diametrically opposed to the idea because they actually really don't want to hurt anyone and can't figure out the source of these intrusive thoughts telling them that they would possibly do such a thing. If you were inclined to push people in front of trains, it wouldn't worry you so much, now would it? You'dbe more concerned about finding more trains, perhaps picking up train schedules and avoiding surveillance cameras. The person with the violent fear is not a violent person, otherwise they wouldn't be afraid.
We can apply this to more abstract concepts. One of my greatest fears, which I've already written about, is the fear that I am somehow in an advertisement for something against my will. (I will be the first to admit that this is one of the more bizarre thoughts I've come up with to be afraid of, but all of us OCD people are extraordinarily clever at finding things to concern ourselves with.) I feared that I had, through some magic of Madison Avenue technique, found myself in an Axe deodorant advertisement. This actually terrified me for quite a while and led to a rather lengthy discourse with Patti Perkins, our fearless leader of the OCF, about how bizarre some of the things we can be afraid of are. To my surprise, although I shouldn't have been, Patti laughed in sympathy, because she too, like anyone reading this with OCD, can recognize having a fear so strange, it's embarrassing to admit.
Today, I have an attack plan for that one, which strangely enough does actually surface from time to time. When it comes up, I remind myself that there are several things you simply cannot do in a commercial, nor would you if you had no free will and all of your actions were scripted. What I came up with was a list of things to do, when no one was looking, that were completely uncalled for. For one, you cannot swear on a television commercial because it's against the law and generally frowned upon. Second, you aren't supposed to say horrible things about the product in question. It's horrible publicity to put on a commercial stating that you have the worst product, and it's more likely to kill you than it is to kill your body odor. Third, you can't do inappropriate things with your body. Let's combine these, shall we?
When this marginally ridiculous fear cropped up, once I had prepared myself with an attack plan, I walked into a public restroom, made sure no one else was present and at an audible level, but not loud enough to travel outside of the confines of the bathroom, started to swear like a sailor about how horrible the deodorant was or whatever item was in question, and picked my nose or something equally unsightly. I apologize for the visual; it was necessary for the purposes of conveying my point. When I did this, I was immediately triumphant, and without having to consult another person, I had proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt that no sensible or still gainfully employed advertising executive would have possibly included that in his or her ad. It just wouldn't make sense and would lead to early, unexpected and involuntary retirement.
The trick, however, is in not forming a habit of proving to yourself that you're, well, wrong. Or more accurately, in not always seeking to disprove your OCD. Ideally, we want to recognize the thought for its irrational nature and discard it. This is the goal of CBT and it's a very important one.
In our daily lives, sometimes we have to improvise to strengthen our immunity and ability to resist these compulsions. After picking my nose in the previous case, all doubts about the irrationality of that fear were blown out of the water, through the stratosphere and directly into the sun. Or Jupiter. This effectively provided me with the ability to recognize the thought for what it was, and when I caught it sneaking up on me again, I just threaten my OCD with the whole bathroom thing, and I come out on top. When it bullies you, don't be afraid to hit back. Figuratively.
If you feel that this can be an effective way to augment your ability to recognize your thoughts for what they are, I encourage you to take this article to your therapist and discuss it. In the early stages of CBT, many people, myself included, need medication to get to the point where they are able to handle the duress of the therapy. It's okay. You should approach your treatment with as much as you are comfortable with. It wouldn't do you a whole lot of good to have a clean bill of health regarding OCD and have a nervous breakdown in the process. In later stages of therapy, you learn to recognize the thoughts and label them for what they are -- irrational, illogical and obsessive compulsive. This will allow you to distinguish the thoughts that are related to your disorder from the ones that are not, and allows you an inside look at how the illness works. From there on out, you might find yourself in a situation where a little bit of logic can go a long way.
